He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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