bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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