I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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