I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
