how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
