I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am spending my child support on dildos
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Randomize
