Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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