My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
