Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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