In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
