My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just googled if crying burns calories
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
