Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
