Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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