I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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