Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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