Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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