why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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