ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Randomize
