dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
