I wish my penis had an off switch
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
