Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
