i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
