Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
