How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
