I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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