Fine. I'll sleep in my office
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
