he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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