btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
