took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
