Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
