These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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