Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
