dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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