The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
