so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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