I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
