hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
