i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
