Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
