i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
