The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
