Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
