paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
