i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
