I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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