I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
