I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
