What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
