ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
