so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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