And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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