I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's rum buckets o'clock
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
