The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
porn star boner night. come get it.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
