Please, let me fuck your mom
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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