so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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