ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
